I'd Rather Be In Love
by She's a Star
Summary: The morning after the Elephant Love Medley, Satine comes to the realization that money can't buy happiness...or love.


****

I'd Rather Be In Love

__

by She's a Star

****

Disclaimer: Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Luhrmann, who I doubt would actually sue any of us for not saying this information. But oh well. And the song I'd Rather Be In Love belongs to Michelle Branch.

****

A/N: I've been meaning to write a fic to this song for a while, but I could never think of anything. And...well...now I did. Brilliant, eh? Also, I can't tell very well what kind of ring Satine has on her middle finger of her left hand, since I'm just looking at the movie poster. But the gem looks green-ish, so let's just say it's emerald, 'kay? :)

~ * ~

Satine had grown accustomed to waking up alone. After painting sold illusions into the minds of assorted men to the wee hours of the morning, she drifted off to sleep beside them knowing that they wouldn't be there when she opened her eyes again. Sometimes the more courteous ones left diamonds or piles of francs next to her, as though it were a consolation for them not being there.

She didn't need them, anyhow.

But as the bright morning sun danced across her face, demanding that she open her eyes, Satine felt a shiver of terror run up and down her spine.

_Please_, she pleaded silently. _Please, please let him still be here._

Satine didn't know what she would do if he wasn't. Most likely, her soul would be left even more jaded than it had been before. 

_You're insane, Satine, _a cruel, cynical voice in the back of her head proclaimed. _You actually think that someone could _love_ you? You're the Sparkling Diamond, for God's sake. You can be bought, but never loved. Not freely._

But Satine couldn't bring herself to open her eyes and face the cold, dismal reality. Not after his smiles had lifted her heart...not after his kisses had given her something to live for and his touch had driven her to believe that love could actually exist. 

Braving all her fears, Satine bit her lightly crimson-stained bottom lip and opened her eyes. Immediately, blissful relief filled her as her gaze fell upon Christian, who seemed to have a contented smile on his face even while sleeping. Lightly brushing a lock of his dark hair from closed eyes, she tried to ignore the words that danced throughout her mind.

_I love you._

I love you.

I love you.

The extravagant design of the Red Room seemed to mock her...one carefully woven blanket probably cost more than Christian's tiny, falling apart garret. 

She was risking all of this, every luxury, to be with him. For love. And love was never dependable...for all she knew, they could quarrel and loathe each other by the end of the day.

And, though Satine hated to admit it, she knew that an occurrence such as that could leave her heartbroken.

Absently, she twisted the emerald-studded gold ring on the middle finger of her left hand around in circles. It was a nervous habit, something she'd started doing over the years without really realizing it. The ring had been a gift from Harold after her first official performance as the Sparkling Diamond, ten years before. At the time, Satine had been in awe by the glistening gem, amazed in seeing such riches after living in poverty for so long. It had seemed to symbolize a new Satine, elegant, refined, living in a lap of luxury. But now...now it seemed to bind her to the Moulin Rouge, to represent how her soul had grown to be over the years.

Trapped.

As the emerald sparkled in the bright sunlight, it seemed to taunt her, scold her for breaking the Moulin's only rule. Feeling frustrated, Satine looked up from the ring and gazed around the room. Everything was so expensive, so extravagant...the very best. 

Now she couldn't help but feel as though everything was chiding her for falling in love with the penniless poet.

Voice soft so as not to wake him, she defended herself passionately, "I cannot help it...I couldn't stop it if I tried!"

Even her own mind couldn't seem to accept that she deserved anything more than drunken customers and a lifetime of fallen hopes.

"The same old heartbeat fills the emptiness I have inside," she continued despondently. If only she could truly allow herself to be swept up in Christian's love...to forget her past. 

Sighing, she turned to Christian and studied him with loving blue eyes. Taking one of his hands in her own, she murmured, "And I've heard that you can't fight love so I won't complain."

Every time a new girl came to the Moulin Rouge, Harold gave the same lecture in a firm voice, blue eyes free of their sparkle as they stared frighteningly firmly at the girl.

_"Love is a dangerous game, but it _is_ just a game. Don't play. Make the men believe you love them, or they won't be satisfied. But never, ever truly love one of them. Once you do allow yourself to fall in love, there's no fighting it. You're lost."_

Satine knew Harold would never expect her to fall. After all, she'd always been the best...the one he told the can-can dancers and prostitutes of lower rank they should be more like. 

Now she'd broken the rule. She'd fallen in love.

If Harry found out, he'd never forgive her.

Ever.

But now that she finally felt happy, could she truly give Christian up?

A single glance at him answered that question.

Never. It wasn't possible.

"Why would I stop the fire that keeps me going on?" Satine asked in her own defense. Surely the world wasn't cruel enough to make her give up Christian after she was finally happy.

_Yes it is, _something in the back of her head answered. _Of course it is. Satine, the world has been nothing but cold to you up until now. Why should it stop?_

Trying to push the unhappy thoughts from her mind, Satine continued to serenade Christian.

"'Cause when there's you, I feel whole, and there's no better feeling in the world," she proclaimed, feeling momentarily lighthearted as she stared at him. But the dark side of her life couldn't resist creeping up and destroying her happiness. 

It always did.

"But without you," she murmured to herself, tearing her eyes from him, "I'm alone, and I'd rather be in love with you."

Christian's eyes began to flutter, and he slowly opened them and looked up at her. A smile immediately spread out across his handsome face.

"You're so beautiful."

The three whispered words were a caress to her tormented soul, and she felt tears of happiness spring to icy eyes.

"Turn out the lights now," she continued, tenderly putting a hand to his cheek. He placed his own lightly callused fingers atop her own, and a surge of ecstasy danced through her. "To see is to believe."

His very presence soothed her in a way that she'd never experienced before, and the naive sparkle that lit his eyes was strangely intoxicating. She'd never met anyone so pure before in her life...not amongst the underworld creatures she'd grown up around. Prostitutes, pimps, and drug addicts were hardly unknowing of the ways of the world.

Being with him made her want to dance, to sing, to skip in circles and place crowns of woven daisies on top of fiery tresses. The little girl she'd never had the chance to be was screaming to be released.

It was remarkable, that one person could completely change her soul.

"I just want you near me," she whispered, her voice more sigh than song. "I just want you here with me." 

She wanted to promise herself to him; to be his alone, body and soul. Satine had never fully trusted another person, and yet she would put her life in his hands and know all the while that he'd never let her die. 

The silk robes which clad her slim form, the diamond jewelry and expensive perfume suddenly seemed so useless. She loathed them with the same fiery passion that she'd once loved them. 

For the first time in her life, she truly realized that money couldn't buy happiness.

"And I'd give up everything only for you," she promised earnestly. "It's the least that I could do."

Christian's warm tenor replaced her bittersweet soprano as he asked in song, "Why are we afraid to be in love? To be loved?"

"I can't explain it," Satine responded, standing up on top of the bed and pulling him up with her. "I know it's tough to be loved."

The smooth satin sheets caressed her feet as she impulsively flung her arms around Christian's shoulders, causing him to laugh in amused surprise.

Their lips met in an explosion of fireworks and steady rush of bliss, the kiss deepening by the second as they left their song behind. Christian kissed her differently than anyone else ever had: all her customers had smashed their mouths against hers, hungry and full of desire as though they would be ripped apart at any instant. Not Christian...his kisses were slow, patient, loving, almost as if he knew that they had forever in each other's arms.

They slowly lowered back down onto the bed, not breaking the tender embrace. Christian's lips made their way down her shoulder and arm, and his lips brushed against her left hand before carefully slipping the ring from her finger and allowing it to fall to the floor.

She was free.

"No matter what," he murmured, his voice soft and sincere, "I'll always love you."

Tears came to her eyes once more at the sweet sincerity of his words, and she responded by pressing her lips to his once more. 

The softest trace of her song danced through her mind as she lost herself in the arms of her first and only love.

_I'd rather be in love with you._


End file.
